This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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