I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
