The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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