As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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