i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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