My room smells like vodka and shame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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