She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
