it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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