I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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