Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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