Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize