i permit you to call me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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