When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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