Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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