he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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