Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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