Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I died a long time ago.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
