I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
