i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
