dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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