i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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