mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
