I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
