I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
