he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
