I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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