Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
