Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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