Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
