It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
