Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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