u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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