It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.