I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
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i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.