Cold hands, warm shart.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
