I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
well you can't waste a boner
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
