I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
