Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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