You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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