I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
