So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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