Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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