life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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