Just fell off a train. Bad.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
