I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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