They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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