I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
