i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize