We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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