So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
