I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
