Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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