I hate your face
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
