i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
