first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
