turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
