is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
