I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The beers last night were like the tears from god
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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