i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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