All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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