like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
