Fuck appropriateness.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
