im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
