From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
