Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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