apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
