You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
