She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
