am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
