im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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