VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
