I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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