You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
